Emotional Health
In college as well as at all ages and stages of life, it's important to take care of yourself and your emotional health. Some key ways you can do this are practicing self acceptance, self compassion, positivity, gratitude, and kindness to others.
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Self Acceptance
Self-acceptance is acknowledging both the things that are positive about ourselves and negative about ourselves, while still thinking positively of ourselves.
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Psychologist Albert Ellis identified two choices: accepting ourselves conditionally and accepting ourselves unconditionally. When we accept ourselves conditionally, we are only accepting ourselves when we succeed. When we accept ourselves unconditionally, we refrain from self-judgment. We recognize that there will be times that we do well and times we make mistakes or even fail, and this is a normal part of life.
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No one is perfect, and if we love and accept ourselves the way we are, we can learn, grow, and be happier.
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Tip: Make a free account to take the VIA Character Strengths Survey!
We all have strengths and weaknesses, but often, we have a tendency to focus on what we're not good at. Understanding our strengths helps boost happiness, well-being, and goal accomplishment. This survey takes about 10 minutes and will remind you of your strengths.
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Self Compassion
We've all heard the phrase "you are your own worst critic." Often, this is very true, and we are much harsher on ourselves than we are on other people. One question to ask yourself is, do you have an inner critic or an inner coach? (Sitzmann 2021). Try to be kind to yourself. Instead of being an inner critic, be an inner helpful, kind, and wise voice. What would you say to your friend or loved one who made a mistake or even failed at something? Try to treat yourself that same way. Dr. Kristin Neff identified three elements of having self-compassion:
1. Self-kindness vs. Self-judgement. Self-kindness involves being warm and understanding to ourselves when we suffer or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring pain or harshly criticizing ourselves.
2. Common Humanity vs. Isolation. This involves recognizing that suffering or feeling inadequate is part of the shared human experience--it's not something we are ever alone in.
3. Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification. This involves when we openly recognize both our positive and negative emotions as they are, without trying to deny them. This way, emotions are not suppressed or exaggerated.
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(Neff 2020).
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Positivity
Psychologist Barba Fredrickson found that the experience of positive emotions is powerful. They allow us to be more open, more trusting of others, broaden perceptual fields, and be better at problem-solving.
Nobody feels positive at every single moment in our lives, but we can train our brains to focus on the good.
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The way we think influences the way we feel. Try to challenge your negative thoughts. We often jump to negative conclusions, such as "that person doesn't like me," or "it's always going to be like this," or "it's my fault." Try to recognize these thought patterns and ask yourself if it's an impulsive negative conclusion. Ask yourself what you can and cannot control. Try to come up with some positive mantras and repeat them to soothe distress. Even simple mantras such as "I am loved" or "I am where I am supposed to be" can be helpful.
We can't control everything that happens, but we can control how we care for ourselves and others. Sometimes, we can't control problems that occur, but we might be able to control the solution. We all experience hardships--and it's important to acknowledge even the most painful, negative feelings. But when you're ready, try to focus on the good--what you have learned and gained rather than what you have lost, and all that is positive that is yet to come.
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Gratitude
Practice having gratitude! Having gratitude is linked with positivity because it boosts happiness, optimism, resilience, physical health, and reduces loneliness (Emmons et al., 2011).
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Try keeping a gratitude journal. Or, just take out a piece of paper and write down ten things you are grateful for in your life. You can refer back to them and add more to the list whenever you need to!
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Express your gratitude to your friends and loved ones.
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Say "Thank you" often.
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Notice the beauty in nature.
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When you are having a positive experience or doing something you enjoy, pay attention to it, savor it, and appreciate it.
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Random Acts of Kindness
We all need kindness! Not only does being generous to others boost their happiness, but it boosts our own. It activates the reward system in your brain by boosting dopamine and serotonin (Siegle 2022). There are many simple ways you can incorporate random acts of kindness into your day.
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Lend a hand. Hold the door for someone, help someone carry their groceries, or let someone go in front of you in line.
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Join your roommate on their errands just for some company.
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If you can, treat someone to coffee.
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Put a cheerful note on the mirror or wall in your dorm, apartment, or house.
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Call a family member or friend from home to check-in and remind them that you love them.
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Tell someone you are proud of them.
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Give compliments to others, whether a stranger or a friend, every day!
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Try to smile or say hello when you pass by someone in the street or hallway.
References
Emmons, R. A., & Mishra, A. (2011). Why gratitude enhances well-being: What we know, what we need to know. In K. M. Sheldon, T. B. Kashdan, & M. F. Steger (Eds.), Designing positive psychology: Taking stock and moving forward (pp. 248–262). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780195373585.003.0016
Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center, PC, & Sitzmann, S. (2021, December 22). Inner Coach vs. Inner Critic. Enrichment Therapy. Retrieved May 9, 2022, from https://enrichmenttherapies.com/inner-coach-vs-inner-critic/#:%7E:text=Your%20%E2%80%9CInner%20Coach%E2%80%9D%20refers%20to,that%20you%20feel%20is%20difficult.
Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). Positive Emotions Broaden and Build. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 1–53. https://doi.org/10.1016/b978-0-12-407236-7.00001-2
Neff, K. (2020, July 9). Definition and Three Elements of Self Compassion | Kristin Neff. Self-Compassion. Retrieved May 9, 2022, from https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/
Siegle, S. L. (2022, April 5). The art of kindness. Mayo Clinic Health System. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/the-art-of-kindness#:%7E:text=Physiologically%2C%20kindness%20can%20positively%20change,your%20brain%20to%20light%20up.